July 27, 2013
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Jealous Melly (Edit)
How has everyone’s week been? So much happened… Well it was my mom’s birthday not too long ago and ‘A’ dropped her a text and wished her. I told my mom a little about ‘A’…. I now like him even more than i liked him yesterday.. Is this normal????? I just feel that it’s not even an option to think bout leaving… I was suppose to meet the Russian yesterday but i just couldn’t do it. I just like ‘A’ wayyyy too much. I’m frightened and i feel like crying a little.. Why does this feel somewhat like a fearful territory and.. I’m scared to be in love. I can’t take another heartbreak. I go from an all time high to an all time low on some days… :/
I got a little crazy yesterday and over reacted. Okay, I wayyyy over reacted when he liked a picty of a stripper om fb. I send him a couple of text messages asking him like how could he say he loves me when he actually don’t, and it feels so right yet so wrong and i won’t compete with loose women and left it as that… he rung in the morning and i didn’t wanna answer. I felt a little calmer in the arvo and replied back to his text saying, he speaks on marriage and he liked a stripper’s pic?? He replied saying well strippers are people too, and why am i being judgmental and i said, ”well she does look hot in lingerie”’ and he was saying, if i would believe it that she’s a lawyer…
…..Yeah good going stripper is smart and hot! I gotta admit i got a wee bit jealous!!!!
WHAT AM I GONNA DO? I AM IN LOVE….! Im not sure if i like this cos i’m freaking out that someone actually likes me and now that he’s seen how crazy and psycho i can be and still likes me… :/
I bailed out on the Russian yesterday saying, i’ll meet him up another time soon and he’s been sending me texts at such ungodly hour which got me so annoyed, so i sent him back an angsty text back saying ”i don’t mean to be rude but your not my best friend, my family member or neither my bf to be dropping me a text me at such late hours… I hope it’s a case of drunk texting and i’m not impressed!”
I just love A too much now!!!! I need to meet and catch up with my lawyer friend Ro & nothings like hanging out with girlfriends sharing choc over relationship talks. I also need A BIG GIANT HUG
Love you all to the moon and back my favourites and i must thank the Greek for encouraging me to update on my post since i was still up at 4am fretting over life!
Big love and hugs xxx
Comments (6)
Heh, it’s 5 AM over here right now. I was up playing video games. I just couldn’t stop playing. Hahahah.
Anyways, Melly dear, you should calm down a bit. I think it’s great that your feelings for A are starting to grow a little bit. However, you shouldn’t be so guarded about falling in love. Love happens naturally, although I know that your brain is telling you to be careful. If you build your walls too high even with A, what would happen when you find another who can make you happy, yet your walls are way too high for him to climb? There’s nothing wrong with being cautious, but you should also let the love develop slowly.
As for the Russian, I think it’s time to just tell him that you want to be friends or that you’re not just interested (seeing as how things with A are kinda progressing). Also, happy birthday to your mother!!
Hopefully, your head becomes clearer and that you can take things as they come.
Love always with hugs included, Benny.
I have heard theses same feelings countless times from many different age groups/life experience. One thing about love that I personally identified as a pitfall is when someone tries to explain away or rationalise to be of less importance then the truth. I quote you the same as I have in the past Mel and that is “our hearts are deceptive”. The meaning of that is we get so wrapped up in what ever feeling we are feeling that we kinda have blinkers on when it come to the figure of our affection. I agree with Benny’s comment above as I am what he’s talking about. No woman will ever breach my walls….fact. And sad. I don’t recommend being so guarded as to never let anyone in but neither can I recommend just throwing yourself into the swirling feelings that occur in life. I was told something years ago by my dad and as I have gone through life I found it to be exactly true in ALL circumstances, “one person within a relationship loves more then the other”. Some people may disagree but its true. I think who ever ends up with you will be the other way and loves you less then you would ever love them. I say this just from the little I know of you perhaps I am being presumptuous. Final word is I ask you this which position in the above statement would you like to be within a relationship, the more or less loving one? Cheers mate and good luck wrestling with you feelings. Zeb
>Haha yes to taking things slow and I hope it works out Ben.. I’m already 29!!!
I started making a list of finding 3 things Ill love bout him everyday and I’m glad how its progressing but I have so much questions and reservations…. He told me to relax too.. Haha Big Lurvvvvvvve and giant hugs Benny!!! xxxx
@Teh_Redfoe - Should be even balanced. I wanna be with a man who will love me more thn I would.. I didn’t like him that much initially but I grew to like him and I’m still figuring things out.. but yes I fall deeply in love… not good hey! xoxo
Here’s a big bear hug!!!!
I hope you feel better soon, and get things figured out. I hate being confused and having mixed feelings. 
Have a wonderful weekend, my dear! <3
Ashley
Ha yes, strippers and prostitutes are people too, lovely people. But supporting them when one is looking to date is…bad. heh.
@AngelAsh_86 - Thanks hon.I have all these mixed feelings. I just want god to shut this door if this relationship’s not gonna work out..He’s just too smooth and i wonder if he does this to a lot of women , you know just random stuffs at the back of my mind.. xxx
@GreekPhysique - I dunno if they’re lovely people or not but that’s what I was thinking too… I’m sure he wasn’t liking the picty because she’s a lawyer.. and she has to be a stripper to pay for law school??? I’m not gonna think too much of it and just let it be.. Let God do the work and i just rest and place my worries and fears in god’s hands.. He holds everybody’s breath in his hands, why should I fear when God knows everybody’s hearts and desires..