How has everyone been? What do you think of the newly improved site of Xanga? I have to say or rather write, that it does look pretty fancy. Well, anyhow, It was my B'day weeks ago and don't laugh, but i thought i was turning 30 and was a little depressed and than i calculated from the year of my birth and minus off the year..... Turns out, i got another year before the BIG 30.. LOL Thank you sweet Jesus, feels like a year has just been lifted off or reversed or something...

Phew! I HAVE ANOTHER YEAR TILL THE BIG 30

29 sounds way better than 30!

I love my sister with every beat of my heart, tho, being 8 years younger than me. She teaches me a deeper sense of love & Life which  i thought i know so well, and then, the sister say something profound and so wise and totes brings me back to earth.....

Our conversation went like... ( I will confess, i can be really superficial)

We were discussing from celebrities to our mom and dad of which who was the better looking and i just casually mentioned i'd never marry a man like my dad cos he's Soooo Ugly! It was mean to say and my mom was saying it would hurt my dad so bad for him to hear this cos he loves me so much and the sis said something so profound and wise with such gentleness and hurt in her voice saying, ''how could i say that?'', and that would i consider myself ugly and it's like i'm saying, she's ugly too and that it's the choices he made that was ugly and all...

At times, i'm really taken aback by the wisdom in her and i know it must be Jesus.. And He got to me thru the sister, cos i wept feeling bad, for someone who doesn't even go to church. She brought me down to earth! God can really use anything, anyone to get to you....

It's quarter past 12 and I have heaps to do tomorrow. I will try to write often. There's so much insanity in the world right now, writing somehow keeps one sane.

Goodnight or Morning! xoxo

Love is hard.
It takes work.
When you choose to love someone... Choose wisely, as you know there's revealing of your self.. Flaws and all.. Raw

Anyone can sweet talk their way and talk is cheap but buy you gifts and buy you dinner but doesn't mean he or she would have the desirable qualities...

Surely Love has got to be more than sentiment, selfishness and selfish games.. I will fess up, i was swoon by the idea of love...

What are the qualities that's important to you, that you look for in a significant other?

Could you survive a zombie apoclyspe with your SO?

I had my fb deactivated for a while, but, I'll be back on the 1st Sep.. If you didnt know, i had a creepy looking penis tagged on my wall for everyone to see, guys are just weird like that.. and besides, I feel a bit sick to my guts not to mention silly stalking up on a certain someone on fb n i don't need A's validation to like anything bout me. I want a break off fb for a bit & read up on some books. I was looking at A's ex finance fb vids on his fb just weeks ago. She's an aspiring actress & model from Bollywood and was curious... You know, just to see what your up against. I know its silly but im one of those girls.. hah.. what they call a crazy b*tch! I may be lil crazy sometimes...

Man, dafaq, he scored a model from India and i was just looking at her ice-cream cornetto add. She seems a bit snooty but i guess she must be friendly... Or why else would he travel all the way to India for someone he only knew for a Month?! They met online from an internet site.. shaddi.com.sth.. (Its a web-site from india with people with desires of getting hitched. lol

(Firstly, I didnt think models had problems picking up a man?)

Apparently, He called it off with her cos she got too possessive and controlling, but he did travelled all the way from Australia to Mumbai India for a huge ass engagement party... :/ I feel silly,.should have known, i was merely replacing her, and believed his honeyed words, but thats okay... Man he made a fool out of me. He'll regret it for sure, what a tool, missing out on this exotic beauty.. hah

Im just thinking, not bad at all for a less attractive lookingish bloke... Im noticing the trend here. Less attractive fugly blokes these days have such high standards and hot girls settle for less and Less attractive girls land themselves a dreamy looking guy...

This whole relationship dating game is all so complicating & annoying. I thought i was ahead of the game but an elderly man hit on me last week, and didnt had the heart to hurt His heart in case he gets a heart attack from rejection and was prepared to give a fake no obviously but he insisted i called him on my phone and i didnt had the heart to break an old man's heart. I dont understand, maybe he wants to leave me his inheritance but i can't be bought with money and i thought when man reach that age, shouldnt he be more interested in chess instead?!

I guess the saying is true. "The Perfect Man does only exist in books.'' Being single still has its perks sometimes. Well this is coming from me, a single women in her 20's... Okay, i lied. I'll be reaching the big 30 soon and feels like, I've not accomplished much in my life. I wanted to travel and see the world and that has changed when i didn't get the job i wanted, but i still wanna travel around Asia and open up my own food place or a cafe someday. Everyone seems to be diving into F&B these days and mine will have to stand out and be a little different from the rest with really awesome food and an awesome place to hang out and chill.

Most people are taken aback when they know of my age, because in a country like Singapore. It is imperative for most Asians to settle down with kids at my age, well that's just the mindset that people have. The whole point of this post that inspired me to write was with a conversation with a co-worker. She mentioned, at my age, her family would be searching a man for her with all the attributes she looks for in a significant other. I asked her, what if he lacked in the looks departments and she said, her family would def find an attractive male, with looks, and other qualities makes me wonder if there is indeed a ready-made man from out of the fairy tale book... One can only hope!

She asked me what i liked about him, and if he was good looking... hah i told her that looks didn't really matter much, its the character and personality cos that stays with you and she asked what bout his character that attracted me or lack of... hahhahaha.

I'm moving on from 'A'- With low quality, comes with low exectation. He's been with way wayyyyy too many women. I don't mean to judge... Just a word of advise! Maybe not a good idea to tell your potential significant other you wanna date bout everything with past relationships. Hah

I'M EXCITED FOR RUSSELL... Dont hold back at me Russell Brand! I'm thinking of skipping time & underwear & going straight to bedding him tonite  

This may very well be my last post if Xanga ceases or not. I thought i should write on my date with the Russian today. Well, I took a chance when he sent me a text, asking me if i liked to cycle on the trails in the evening today and i thought why not...! Just that i looked really casual with tank top and without make-up. It went well but there was a lack of chemistry and all i could think off was 'A' but i gotta stop thinking bout 'A' and it has to be a two way street and i guess the lack of communication today would be good not giving him any attention. He ought to know what it feels like to miss me...

I met with a little accident while cycling. i was cycling down the pier taking in the views and accidentally crashed on to someone else.. It was bad, but i was mostly shocked and light headed when it happened. The Russian was surprised when he turned back and quickly cycled back and took such care of me. It was sweet, we sat and mostly chatted with him being the chatter and i was just gazing at the stars. It was quite romantic but just not with the right person sadly. I can't believe it... Mr Russian's actually 41. He's a software engineer at Citibank. He did tried to get close and i just held on to my shirt if he was gonna go for the hands holding while we were strolling... haha

Everyone says, in a relationship.. It's always, just that one person that will be on to it then the other which is sad.. I wanna be in love with someone, who loves me just as much...  I don't feel anything at all for the Russian.. He did spend a lot on me today like bicycle rental, food, wine. I offered to go dutch but he insisted on paying and found me weird and told me.. ''Please, this is how Europeans are like.. I don't know how Australians does on dates but this is just basic chivalry'' and i just said ''okay...'' haha and we got a cab back home and he insisted on dropping me home.. I'm not used to all this kindness! :/

I really miss 'A' and it's not even on appearance, i just really like him a lot and i don't even know why but than again, talk is cheap! What are your thoughts of being the giver or taker in love??

Doesn't Mr Russian have the 'Antonio Banderas' look going on esp with his hair???

How has everyone's week been? So much happened... Well it was my mom's birthday not too long ago and 'A' dropped her a text and wished her. I told my mom a little about 'A'.... I now like him even more than i liked him yesterday.. Is this normal????? I just feel that it's not even an option to think bout leaving... I was suppose to meet the Russian yesterday but i just couldn't do it. I just like 'A' wayyyy too much. I'm frightened and i feel like crying a little.. Why does this feel somewhat like a fearful territory and.. I'm scared to be in love. I can't take another heartbreak. I go from an all time high to an all time low on some days... :/

I got a little crazy yesterday and over reacted. Okay, I wayyyy over reacted when he liked a picty of a stripper om fb. I send him a couple of text messages asking him like how could he say he loves me when he actually don't, and it feels so right yet so wrong and i won't compete with loose women and left it as that... he rung in the morning and i didn't wanna answer. I felt a little calmer in the arvo and replied back to his text saying, he speaks on marriage and he liked a stripper's pic?? He replied saying well strippers are people too, and why am i being judgmental and i said, ''well she does look hot in lingerie''' and he was saying, if i would believe it that she's a lawyer...

.....Yeah good going stripper is smart and hot! I gotta admit i got a wee bit jealous!!!!

WHAT AM I GONNA DO? I AM IN LOVE....! Im not sure if i like this cos i'm freaking out that someone actually likes me and now that he's seen how crazy and psycho i can be and still likes me... :/

I bailed out on the Russian yesterday saying, i'll meet him up another time soon and he's been sending me texts at such ungodly hour which got me so annoyed, so i sent him back an angsty text back saying ''i don't mean to be rude but your not my best friend, my family member or neither my bf to be dropping me a text me at such late hours... I hope it's a case of drunk texting and i'm not impressed!''

I just love A too much now!!!! I need to meet and catch up with my lawyer friend Ro & nothings like hanging out with girlfriends sharing choc over relationship talks. I also need A BIG GIANT HUG

Love you all to the moon and back my favourites and i must thank the Greek for encouraging me to update on my post since i was still up at 4am fretting over life!

Big love and hugs xxx

Thursday, after sending phillip off at the airport. I was slightly tipsy from all that beer and decided to catch the train back home and was slightly disoriented.. I get lost easily here.. Its a typical 'Mel' thing.. So I asked the closest person next to me for direction.. "Is this the train going towards Jurong East.'

The guy whom I asked for direction wasn't a local but thought he would know, like I said, I was tipsy. I Just wanted to heed back home. Turns out, he's from Russia and he lived in San Fran for years, so we chatted for a bit, thru the train journey, mostly him telling me bout himself and I was Just staring blankly at his stubble and his curly wurly hair. He asked for my no 'to keep in touch' and I was gonna give him a fake no and he was like, 'can u send me a text now on your phone' and I'm like WTF?!...

I don't understand, I guess I Just picked myself up a Russian man...And so, I got a date this Fri night with the Russian. Apparently train rides are now the place to pick up women... :/

Things with A is getting slightly intense but I dunno how its gonna work out. He's really sweet, he got this thing called 'insanity' a workout regime shipped from the US and I know he's also doing it for me and Phil was saying.. He's in love to be calling me almost everyday cos he'd never called anyone everyday! Haha

Ive already told A what my stands are and he's fine with it.... He cant see me as a friend but that's not my problem right..? At times, I'm fearful to fall deeply and what if I love him more thn he does.. I want a guy who loves me more thn I could love him. I no I'm selfish in that sense... I like A! There's something bout him, I'm not sure what, and he's been thru a lot hard times growing up, I can empathise having been thru difficult childhood times. I feel like I can be myself around him... I dunno?!

I'm not ready to be in an exclusive relationship, yet at times, I feel its time now to settle down and heed back to Australia. Singapore's lovely but not a place I see myself living in...unfortunately.

I miss Perth. <3

I'm just sad. I know it's not right to compare with what others have but it's not fair. I want a family of my own too. I want to go thru the process and joy of being preggers and having a loving husband by my side.

I wanna say I lived each day but are we truly living or just killing time? Ah well, Wine & Chocolate will have to do.. For now, I suppose :/

On a slightly cheerful note... Eeeee Phil will be touching down in a couple of hours & Ive found this nice place for drinks.... Looks pretty good!

I thought it would be another Lonely Friday nigh but Ryan, my mate from Perth called saying he was in town for just a day and if I liked to meet for drinks. Of course, I said yes! I excitedly packed my shit up from the centre, I usually chilled out at to get away from home & to use the wifi to download stuffs... but after Ryan called, I hurriedly took off and left my charger behind, suffice to say, its stolen but there's the CCTV to check but apparently only the police could view it so I dropped by the police station today slightly amused thinking the cops gonna take a crack out of it.. cos It does sound pretty funny.. but there was a cabby reporting a case of a passenger not paying the cab fare of $22.50.. I felt Sooooo much better and besides, its not like Singapore police have a lot of work to do! Haha

Poor cop, he was prob intimidated by me with how I insisted that CCTV are there for a reason and how I demand it to be viewed and the matter be investigated with a straight face and he made some calls and so they will be looking into the matter of my 'stolen laptop charger.' lol

Anyway, Phil, my mate, from Melb will be stopping over sing on Thurs for a couple of hours. I'm excited to catch up with him and hear updates of the girls in his life and tell him bout 'A, Its so good to have a guy's perspective on stuffs and I trust Phil. We're gonna eat lots of food like black pepper crab, sambal stingray, satay, rojak, beef hor fun... I'm gonna get him to try all these local Singaporean food and pub crawl a bit for drinks. He'll be flying off to Turkey. I'm so jelly, I told him to take me along and how I'm small and compact but he said my boobs won't fit and would cost him a lot! lol jerk az (: He also got a spare laptop charger and we've been chatting blatantly about laptop holes... and what fits sounds dirty but only with Phil! We talk stuffs with pure class.. Haha Ooooh I hope he brings me krispy kreme too along with the charger.

Everyone's travelling.. I'm contemplating on heeding to Perth in August to suprise my bestie on her birthday, sort out my tax claims and catch up with old mates. I really miss Perth a lot. Singapore's lovely but Perth is home. I can actually see myself living in Perth for the rest of my life. I feel kinda trapped in here, nobody understands me and I don't like it here...  The only thing that keeps me going is my awesome church, I've grown so much but my heart aches to return back to Perth. I miss life in Perth. I even miss the dodgy aboriginals.

I'm gonna just keep confessing this o'er and o'er.. and if words have such power. Let it be true! Thank you Jesus. I'm (Melissa Gerard is) heeding back to Perth for good. Thank you Jesus. Thank you. You make all things work for my good. Thank you! Thank you I'm moving back to Perth. Amen

At times, I just wanna know who Jesus is for my own than hearing/reading from other sources. I do agree with pastors of who/what Jesus is...but