My previous post, i wrote about the doubts i had, i still have them and after much thought, I've decided to strike him off without owing him any explanation and drop him like a hot potato. In the first place, i wasn't even looking for a relationship, i just wanted a friend and i was perhaps getting too flirty friendly and things progressed way too quickly with him saying the L-Word time and time again, which got me thinking, if he really meant it....?

Love...Which love? The Eros kind of love that comes from the word Erotic or the Agape Love which is the kind of love which is the self sacrificial kind?! o_O

Gotta admit, he was smooth going biblical with me, and there was all that signs of a player. He rung on Sunday night saying he was at the cas and that he loves me and misses me, i was feeling sleepy, so i wished him luck and told him to have fun at the cas and that i'm gonna shower and sleep. It was already late. Monday morning, i received a missed call and a text from him and replied with a text saying that i love him too but not in the way he thinks but of with an earnest heart of honoring and respecting him. I missed his call yet again, got caught up with work and stuffs, i also had an Interview to prepare for yesterday for a PA position and send him a text saying, i'd call him later and left it as that...

After the interview, i caught up with an old friend, felt sad hearing him share about how he misses his ex-gf and how he's settling for this girl who he's with now because he doesn't want to be alone and that he's 33 and can't stop thinking about the ex who's moved on, i was just listening and thinking bout how, I'd not want a guy to settle for me. Matters of the heart are such a fragile delicate thing, it just messes up with your head. I did gave him my two cents worth tho that he wasn't being fair to the girl who he's with. He claimed, he loves her but just not in that kind... :/ So there you go, that's the Eros kind of love... I dunno bout you guys but hearing stories like this has made me wary of relationships more than anything.

Anyhow, I went on fb to check for updates, mostly (stalking to see what my 'A' is up to) and found A' online, so i dropped him a msg saying, "i'm free now if he wanted to talk" but no response and saw him going on and off on fb. This happened for quite a while, him being online, offline and online,and then with a status update saying, that the time is passing slowly.. like [He could put up a frigging status update but not reply to my msgs?!] (JERK) Feeling mischief, i send him a text asking him to come on Skype, saying, that' i just bought this white lace bra and wanted to show, and know what he thinks'.. That surely got his attention right away! He replied almost immediately saying 'coming on now'....and, when he got on to Skype, I deleted him and felt Soooooo Gooooood and Victorious! Hahaha! Cheap thrill but he's still around.

Edit: I could not bear to completely strike him off, so when he called, I answered and we talked for a while and he asked me to get on Skype and was a bit surprised to find out we weren't mates anymore, I changed the subject quickly without making an issue out of it. lol (Quick thinking saves the day) 

Well, with the two kinds of love, regardless how horny i may be. I'd rather have the Agape kind of love. A love that truly satisfies. 

So, The story continues....  With 'A'  I don't wanna put my hopes up but... He seems like a really great guy. A Man's man and i'd like him as my guy but i dunno.. Maybe its better us being mates.. Hahaha I know, i can be frustrating and fickle at times....

 I just don't wanna have a broken heart and take years nursing it back. It's actually better to have a broken arm or leg than a broken heart! lol

I had this cloze passage prepared for my class quite some time ago bout this lame dog, that nobody would take a second glance at in the pet store, but not that neighbourhood kid... He saw sth in that dog, amongst all the other pupps and revealed his disability with his leg and concluded that this dog would need someone who'd understand him.

I'm the kind of girl, as any other girls I'm sure, when I do like someone, and gotten smitten. I'm gonna be missing and thinking and be waiting for his darned calls or texts... :/ My sis calls me 'the romantic one' cos I fall too easily. I've been talking to 'A' for a fair bit now, 'B is out and I've gotten to know 'A' a lil better but I guess I can't be too sure... But yet I feel like I understand him. I never really thought I'd like him at first. He Is Big and Fat and has the stubble that I absolutely adore, not sure why, but I'm drawn to him for some reason (:

The thing is now that he knows or figured that I kinda like him a little. I have all this doubts and reservations even thou he tells me everything, with his ex finance, sending him all these abusive texts, Ive also been on fb stalking duty and could not help but notice how he's got all these beautiful sexy girls on his Fb :/ Also, I'm only hearing his side of the story. I know from experience, it takes 2 people to make or break a relationship... Why does this have to be such a game?! Why can't it just be smooth and simple.. I hate how I'm missing him now, waiting for him to call. I wanted to do the pros and cons and than I thought, that would just be silly, I used to dismiss guys over the stupidest silliest things.. and I don't want to be alone forever now waiting for 'Mr Perfect' to whisk me away.

I was just thinking, whatever happened to 'standards?' But then this standard thing will just become a list of endless unrealistic qualities I'd be seeking and really there's no perfect person out there. Quite frankly, I'm also quite sick of the condescending look people give. U guys can suck it! All You Happy people in relationships!But.... If a man, who can't love my god, how would he ever love me? This woman with flaws, how could he (agape) love me in such a way which is not that selfish kind of love, cos I'll certainly fall short in so many ways. I have no qualms dating a non-believer. I just don't like it, being disrespectful about it. The difference between us, Whenever he says the L-word, it's the kind of love tinted with lust because of the way i look, how could he just say the L-word that easily without really meaning it, because that is not Love. Love is when he has seen aLL my flaws and says, he still loves me, love is despite everything, you still see that person you love without faults because Love is not self seeking.

I'm just ranting, I'm also really tired full on from the lack of sleep, staying up late. This is so weird but I'm really gonna miss rambling on here, when it ceases to exist... Anywho, I'm glad to have met such awesome interesting people in here. Your entries have enriched my life greatly in ways you'd never imagined, your life is such an inspiration. I thank you all greatly..! Enjoy what remains of the weekend ya'll and have a freshly baked subway chocolate chip cookie on me but with your money.

xoxo

Vanessa sent me a text, checking to see how i was doing as she's not seen me around in church and wanted to catch up and then she tells me, she just watched Man of Steel and she doesn't like the movie and that she's heeding back home.. 

And i replied saying, but whats not to like.... 3 hours of watching a Hot guy saving the world!!!  hahhah So worth it! I can't wait to watch

And she's like hahahahahahhaha yucks! I prefer, now you see me, now you don't which is way better...

I couldn't help but asked, If Superman was at least good looking :/ 

and she replied saying.. ''Even his face is made of muscles'' I am sure Jesus isn't like that!

HAhHAHAHAHAHAHA Just thought that was funny and i literally laughed out aloud looking at my phone.. LOL

Ahhhh Girls and their conversations on phone, you'd be amazed if you could read our thoughts

 A new "anti-pervert" fashion trend direct from China is going viral: hairy stockings. "Super sexy, summertime, anti-pervert, full-leg-of-hair stockings, essential for all young girls going out". If you can't grow out your own leg hair or afford pants, this is your next best option. Although you may attract people who have a fetish for excessive leg hair...

I bet if H&M had a commercial with their models wearing hairy stockings that came in different neon colours, and it was seen, worn on Kim Kardashian, all the teenage girls would buy it.... Hairy colorful stockings everywhere, men would just love it!  :/ lol

Don't believe me, check it out for yourself!!! Haha

http://socialnewsdaily.com/15159/hairy-stockings-a-viral-craze-in-china/

Father's day is here yet again, a tingle of sorrow sweeps over me as i write this thinking of the last couple of hours of the memories of him etched in my mind. This stupid heated argument we had, in the afternoon, was trivial and just blown out of proportion. I was fuming and lamenting, of the misery he'd caused us through over the years, there was nothing he could say or do to justify himself, he could only contain his anger. I'm sure deep inside, he must have felt horrible. I stared at him with eyes filled with anger, resentment that were beyond description and stormed out of the house seethed in anger, pains me to write that My last words to him was ''I HATE YOU'' instead of I LOVE YOU!

I couldn't stop my tears from streaming down my cheeks while i was out. When you love someone so deeply, it hurts... It cuts like a knife.

When, I returned home that night, I never thought that day would be the last time, I'd ever see him or the quarrel we had would be the last quarrel we ever had. I went straight to J’s room and woke her up to bitch about dad. My sister has always been a great listener, an introvert she may be but an awesome sister she was, and also my best friend, nobody understood me better than her. I went back to my room afterwards, and fell deep asleep and hours later, mom came knocking on my room door, saying dad, couldn't breathe. He was standing by the window catching his breath. I asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital, he shook his head and refused stubbornly, only after much convincing, he agreed to at least have this checked out, I swiftly got out of the house and realised, I didn't had my bra on and went back home to change. (If I had not bothered to change, maybe he’d still be alive) I went down quickly to flag for a cab, there wasn't any that stopped by our way, time was just ticking and dad lost his balance and slipped and fall to the ground, a cab came by and stopped but it was a Mercedes cab which is usually unreasonably priced and i didn't think it was worth the money, up to this day, I can’t forgive myself for it, had I just taken that damned mercs cab, maybe just maybe, he’d still be alive! 

In my heart of hearts, I never thought my dad’s condition was anything serious, he had this problem once months ago, before i left to India and thought this was the same thing. He just smokes too much. When that cab left, I took my dad’s phone to see if there was anyone, I could call, I saw a name on his contact list that sounded awfully familiar and thought it was his  close friend and turned out it was his relative and father wasn't too please and quite angsty with me calling him. He had not spoken to his family for ages and seconds after that, part of his body was paralyzed and he was was breathing quite heavily. I believe, dad had a heart attack and I triggered it but I didn't know it was a heart attack then. What would I know? I was just an angsty rebellious teen. I just thought he was being really noisy gasping for air and I don’t know why I refrained from giving him his inhaler, I couldn't think straight! I’d already called for an ambulance and we were just waiting for the paramedics to arrive, it took a while and  after some time, it got eerily quiet, a haze of fear surrounded me, my senses was numbed. I just cried sensing something wasn't right and hugged him... 

Panic stricken, i called this friend from church crying to her sounding all panicky. I just thought (hoped), believed my dad was unconscious and that when the ambulance came, they’d be able to revive him. The paramedics came and took him, we couldn't go along, also it was during the SARS period, we reached the hospital before the ambulance did, we had to wait outside and the lady nurse came out walking towards us with her 'rehearsed scrip' saying, ‘’Doctors have been trying to revive him but he’s not responding to CPR, and be prepared for the worst.’’

I called that same adult friend of mine there and then to pray, and we prayed together. I consoled my mom telling her it'll be okay and minutes later, the lady nurse came back again. I was expectant of the news that my dad would be okay but my heart leap to my throat hearing those few words, ''this day, and time, my dad has passed away'' whatever she said hit me like a bombshell. I needed to sign his death certificate…… How could that be?? All of us were too dumbfounded for words, I could not bring myself to weep in front of mom and esp my sister who was looking up to me following me around. I told mom not to cry in front of her and we just kept our emotions in check without being able to cry. Jenny was just too young. I had to be strong now for them both. My friends called me up and some of them came by to the hospital for support and so did the uncle and his family, I rung earlier. It was still early in the morning. My dad’s body was now in the mortuary, the most painful part was to claim and identify my father's body and to see to his funeral arrangments, informing relatives/ people whom i don't even know of his demise.

Life is so unpredictable. I really wish, i could take back whatever i said, cos even if he wasn't the best dad ever, he was still my daddy. He did tried to be a better man and nobody would give him that chance to. I didn't and i didn't want to.S

I miss you Soooooo much papa! It wasn't easy raising me up and you did the best way you knew how. I love you so so deeply.

Happy Father's Day! X

You'd know him in Parks and Rec. Must Watch if you have not, he's exactly How a Man should be. He is a MANS man in my opinion!!! No muss, no fuss, just stache...

Now, I don’t usually like stache on a Man but Ron is an exception, also facial hair is individual to the person, works in him don't you think?

Love him. X

It's just a couple of questions, there isn't any right or wrong answers, you don't have to put a lot of thought into it yeah, just comment back with just your answers only and I'll tell you what your answers represents when you finish... C'mon! just play along

1. You are going inside a cave, and you are allowed to bring as many candles as you like. How many candles will you take with you? (i.e 1,2, 3 or more)

Ans:

2. Your walking inside this cave, you got your candle(s) with you, and as your walking, you saw a torch. What would you do? (Keep the candle, get rid of the candle etc)

Ans:

3. Now, as your inside this cave, you find 2 different exits out, one exit leads to a desert, and the other is a forest. Which exit will you take?

Ans:

4.Randomly, think of an animal that comes to your mind NOW. Which animal and 3 reasons WHY?

Ans 

5. You need to get through the other side but there's like a river/lake that hinders you from going across, but your not sure, the depths of the water or you could take another route to walk across but it'll prob take some time. Would you rather just swim across or walk around taking another route to get across?

Ans:

Kindly rec this, if anyone else keen to play along. I will tell you the result of your answers Soooon!  :D

*** I read this article online and thought i'll put it up here and share this with everyone, which clearly depicts a meaningful relationship in my opinion

You Should Date Someone Who Cares About You

After years of hiding a guilty pleasure in silence, it's time to fess up. I have a secret obsession with the movie 'White Chick' and I've excitedly watched them more times I care to admit.

What are your guilty pleasure movies that you don't like to admit to?

I'm wrapping my head around 3D printing technology advancement with the NASA-funded research into 'printing food.' A company is currently working on a 3D pizza printer for astronauts to use in outer space. And when that is achieved, printing food off the computer could potentially end world hunger and save humanity from dying out much sooner when Earth's resources have been fully utilised...Okay, I was wrong to use the word save, because nothing will save humanity on Earth, unless everyone on the planet migrates to another planet altogether. But it can prevent world hunger when Earth's edible resources have diminished and for example a disease might spread across cattle and chickens and we won't have meat so we can rely on technology. As for the food in the cartridges, it would apparently consist of a combination of powdered macro nutrients, carbs, insects, algae, seeds.... Which can last up to 30 years or so.. All the essential basics required for us to sustain life just a little longer. The people of the distant (and doomed) future will have a different perception of food... It will be about functionality not taste... Unless something helps make insects taste good lol

Pizza Anyone?